7:58

Two minutes until eight. I know where I am supposed to be.

I feel sick. That nauseous feeling from earlier combined with having eaten too much at dinner. I was starving because I hadn't eaten all day. I ate too fast, and too much. I was famished and angry and it's all a heavy ball in my stomach.

I know where I am supposed to be. I know. It's the last place I want to be. Part of me is really glad that I am being told to do something I really don't want to, part of me really wants to sacrifice for Him. Part of me wants to go get high and forget the rest of the world.

It's a big part and it's getting a lot of consideration.

I am afraid of what will happen if I am disobedient. I am most afraid that He will leave me alone. I hate that. I hate time out, I hate when He pisses off. I hate being alone.

I hate it more than I hate where I am supposed to be. I'm going to go then. Maybe do some laps, I don't think I can run right now. And I don't have anything to punch. And I did tell myself...

I will be a good puppy for my Master.